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Title: Golden
Author: ciaranbochna
Characters: John, Sherlock
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the world.
Length:  646 Words
Rating: PG
Summary: `There are some words that destroy from the inside out.``
Warnings: References to terminal illness

There are some words that destroy from the inside-out. They lean over your shoulder to whisper in your ear, slip down your throat, choking...

He hasn't needed to say them in so long. Never learned to shut off empathy. He prefers it when they rail against the silence. This is not one of those times.

Mr. Dawson nods, once. He pulls the sleeve of his corduroy jacket down over his hand, gets out of the chair, and quietly clicks the door shut behind him.

John feels like he's swallowed acid. He grabs his spare cane from behind the desk and walks to the door. The brass knob is still warm. He walks by Sara`s desk. She looks at his face and picks up the charts next to her, brushing past him on her way to Dr. Thompson`s office. The chatter in the waiting room beats against his skull, and he moves quickly out of the clinic.

John doesn`t remember if anyone talks to him on the tube. Every laugh, crinkle of shopping bag, whisper--he wants to use his cane to make it stop. All of it. He knows he shouldn`t, waits for the doors to open. His teeth are clenched so hard his skull aches.

He feels each step jar his leg as he climbs the stairs to the flat. He can`t think past a cuppa and a dark bedroom. He shivers with cold, feels himself shake. He stumbles over the last step and forces the key into the lock.

John drops his coat to the floor and leans his weight against the door until it slides shut. He stays there a moment, enjoying the lesser noises in the flat. And then he opens his eyes to find Sherlock studying him from the couch. John can hear Sherlock`s blue dressing gown rustle as the sits up quickly.

John winces and turns to the kitchen, searching for the tea canister. Empty. The counter is too high for him to sleep on, and he won`t fit on it anyway.

Bed then. John turns to find Sherlock holding a steaming mug out to him. He didn`t hear him move. Sherlock`s brow is furrowed, he almost looks concerned. John would laugh if...well.

He takes the mug and moves slowly to his chair, sinking into it. He places the mug carefully on the table. He pushes off his shoes and reaches for the handle. He`s still shivering.

When John was sick Harry used to bring him hot chocolate. It was too sweet to drink quickly (five spoons to a mug), but he managed.

John leans over the mug, steam curling around his face. He wraps both hands around it, but he knows Sherlock has seen his fingers twitch.

He lifts his head and sees Sherlock’s still watching him. John hears a siren outside and almost drops the mug.

Sherlock gets up and walks to the window, drawing the curtains until only a crack of light shows on the floor. John doesn`t hear him pass, but the overhead light turns off. He hears the swish of Sherlock`s dressing gown as he returns to the couch.

They sit in the dark the rest of the afternoon and evening. John knows Sherlock doesn`t need to sleep for another two days at least. He finishes his tea, and each empty mug is replaced with a fresh one. He doesn`t know where Sherlock is hiding the teabags.

He can`t even hear Sherlock breathe, but his own air stumbles and rasps until darkness finds him.,

John wakes up with Sherlock`s silk dressing gown thrown over him. He`s finally warm. His mug is on the table, a fresh teabag waiting beside it. He lifts the mug and finds a note.

“At Bart`s. New jar of honey on bottom shelf beside sink.”

John gets up to turn on the kettle.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 12th, 2011 08:20 am (UTC)
this is amazing. I have no other words....
Dec. 12th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
Well, thanks.*blushes*
Dec. 12th, 2011 11:41 am (UTC)
So heartfelt !
Dec. 12th, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I am glad you think so:)
Dec. 12th, 2011 04:40 pm (UTC)
I cannot even describe the expression of Awwww, on my face right now. Awwwww. This is wonderful! *flails everywhere*
Dec. 12th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
I suppose it isn't too much then?;) I am glad it made you smile:)
Dec. 13th, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
Many things you do make me smile, just so you know.
Dec. 13th, 2011 06:04 am (UTC)
Ah, well, anything I can do, even if I am not aware of it;)
Dec. 27th, 2011 01:20 am (UTC)
Pst. Reccing this here! ;-D

And you still make me smile.

Edited at 2011-12-27 01:20 am (UTC)
Dec. 27th, 2011 01:31 am (UTC)
Thanks:) *blushes*
Dec. 12th, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
This feels like silence and warmth. Just lovely.
Dec. 13th, 2011 03:48 am (UTC)
That is exactly it:) Thank you!
Dec. 13th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC)
Where John is involved, Sherlock is all tact. Love it!
Dec. 13th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
But of course:) Thank you!
Dec. 30th, 2011 10:10 am (UTC)

I am a terrible person.

but anyway, ANYWAY, this is so... I can't even. Everything you write always seems to fill me with so many emotions that I can't quite sift through them properly and I have to read it over like five times before I stop being so incredibly overwhelmed by how beautiful it is, or at least enough to type at you.

I know I've told you this before, countless times, but the way you write John is just the most wonderful thing ever.

I have a tendency to judge Sherlock fic by how John is written, and you DEFINITELY are my favorite John writer. Which is not to say Sherlock is not perfect as well, because he is, but John has a tendency to give me all the feelings, you know.

That was all pretty incoherent, I'm sorry.
Dec. 30th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC)
No worries, I know incoherence just means you loved it and can't put it into words;)
Dec. 30th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
yeah, that really is about the sum of it ♥

Because I ADORED this
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )